GOAL sat down with the USMNT fullback to discuss change, controversy, opportunity and – above all – why "life is good, man"
ARLINGTON, Texas – "We're just such simple creatures."
That's John Tolkin on life, and he spends plenty of time backing up his point. He speaks openly about his love for the comforts of home: days on the Jersey shore, a sunset drive through town, a Sunday with no plans, the relationship between a man and his barber.
In quiet moments, he thinks about how life can be simplified even more. He told GOAL years ago that he often dreams of a life without social media, without pressure, without electricity even. Inevitably, life snaps him back to reality.
"Sometimes I do wonder still," he says with a smile during a sit-down with GOAL. "'What if I just retire today, go down to the Caribbean and just chill?' I could open up a tiki bar or a snorkeling business. It's tempting, yeah, but that's just my personality. I love that kind of stuff. Obviously, though, I love playing, too. There's such a competitive side to me. And that side is…"
He laughs, and then his voice drifts off. That side of himself is the one driving everything now. It's the one that convinced him to pack up, leave the simple comforts of New Jersey behind and change his life forever. It's the side of himself that is helping him recognize, too, that life isn't quite as simple as he realized – and maybe he isn't either.
The last year or so has been a whirlwind: a chance to play at the Olympics, an MLS Cup final, an international transfer to Holstein Kiel and, now, featuring in the Gold Cup with the U.S. men's national team. Those have been the fun parts, and they've changed his life forever.
The not-so-fun parts? Those have changed him even more. His social media controversy last year was a turning point. So, too, was relegation with Kiel. They helped show him how quickly things can change and how gloriously complicated life can be.
Since he arrived on the scene as a teenage New York Red Bulls homegrown, Tolkin has promised to be authentically himself. He continues to be. It's just that, now at 22, Tolkin's life has changed. He has, too.
"I'm a different person than I was even a month ago," he says. "I don't want to call what's happened a blessing in disguise, but it's been a great character development tool. I don't want to say it's all been great what's happened, but it all makes you really look at things. I know in my heart I'm a good person. I don't need to fake it. I'm going to show people I am. Hopefully, that's something I can achieve."
Right now, nothing is certain. Following Kiel's relegation, Tolkin isn't sure what's next on the club level. A World Cup is a year away, and he's one of many in this USMNT group fighting for a spot while contending for this Gold Cup.
And he knows that there's still work to do on himself as a person, as he looks to show everyone who he really is.
Getty Images SportLife in Germany
The first thing Tolkin noticed about Germany was the staring. He can acknowledge now that it's partly a cultural thing. Eye contact in Germany is key and everything is just a little bit less casual than back home.
Tolkin, deep down, knew his teammates were staring for another reason, though: they didn't know what to make of him. That's normal for any new player, but Tolkin wasn't just a new player; he was one who joined the club with baggage, a negative reputation that he had to confront.
As he arrived in Germany, some of his past social media activity came to light. The fullback faced criticism for some activity online relating to a variety of topics, including gender identity and conspiracies around the COVID pandemic. Tolkin immediately moved to make amends, working with club leadership to show that the social media "likes" didn't represent how he truly felt or acted towards the world.
“I regret that things I have done in the past in my social media activities may have hurt, irritated or offended people," he said in a statement at the time. "That was never my intention. I would like to assure you 100 percent at this point that I respect all people, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. I always judge people based on how they treat me and others."
Those meetings, that statement – and one from the club, showing him support – were a start. But Tolkin knew he had work to do to not just earn the trust of his teammates, but to show the world that he was better than his Twitter activity.
"I think when anybody sees what they saw about me online, when they meet me for the first time, they'll have all sorts of pre-judgements and whatnot," he says. "Like I've said before, I was totally open to talking about it with anybody, but that doesn't mean it was easy. It felt like I would say 'What's up?', and the other guy is thinking, 'Ah, f*ck this guy', but they didn't even know me yet. But again, that was totally normal for them to think that about me.
"I didn't want them to have a shallow evaluation of me. And, again, I don't want to call it a blessing for me, but it was a great life lesson. I respect everybody, and I'm not going to shame anybody for believing this or that."
Initial impressions aside, Tolkin had plenty of other things to adjust to in Germany. Infamous for changing his hair, Tolkin's bleached buzz has grown out into something much longer simply because he's anxious about finding a new barber in Europe. He's had trouble figuring out where to park sometimes. Some of the doors open differently and, when things did go wrong in his new apartment, his landlord lived in Hamburg – meaning he generally had to figure out those types of problems for himself.
"I would just think about all of the little things and the familiar," he says. "I do love the familiar. The stuff you're familiar with is what you know. But overall, I like Germany. I like Kiel. It wasn't anything like what I thought it would be. People told me it's gonna be worse than what it was. I always heard it was going to be really lonely and difficult, but I didn't think it was anything crazy.
"I'm fine being alone. I'm content. I don't need company, you know? I think maybe that helps me a little bit. Overall, the transition wasn't crazy. It's just that everything moved really quickly."
Some parts were refreshing, though.
"I'll tell you one thing: I don't miss American food," he says."It's straight poison. I feel so healthy eating over there with the portion sizes and everything. I get back to America for the Gold Cup and I'm breaking out all over my face. It's ridiculous.
"The way people live their lives in Germany, in general, I think people are more grateful. People live simpler lives. They enjoy their coffee and you won't see them sitting on their phones while they drink it. They'll just talk to each other for hours. Everything's closed on Sundays and, I know we do that in America too, but they really take that time to enjoy themselves and relax and not feel that work stress."
It's been hard for Tolkin to avoid his own stress, though. That's what happens when you walk right into a relegation battle.
AdvertisementAFPGrowing as a player
Stylistically, Tolkin never felt overwhelmed by what was thrown at him at Holstein Kiel. It was similar enough to what he did with the Red Bulls, he says, in terms of the deep runs and the types of passes he was asked to play from his left-back spot.
But then came a game against Bayern Munich. Every club in the Bundesliga circles the Bayern game when they see it on their schedule. For players, it's a chance to prove themselves against the best. For teams, it's a chance to surprise and steal points. Kiel weren't quite able to do that. But asked to do a hell of a lot against the best team in the league, Tolkin said it was his true "Welcome to the Bundesliga" moment.
"My coach pulled me in," he begins, "and was like, 'So you've played the six before?' and I just said, 'Yeah, like three years ago'.' He told me I was going to play as a six against Bayern and I was like 'Alright, what?' It was all good, though! I think for me, when I get on the field, I just put things aside and lock in.
"It helped that this was Kiel's first year in the Bundesliga, so obviously there's pressure, but I think everybody was just trying to give everything, enjoy it and see what we could all do to try and stay in the Bundesliga. It was stressful and everything, but we all just wanted to be grateful and also leave it all out there."
Bayern are, of course, the pinnacle. They're the champions for a reason. Tolkin loved going against them in that game, which ended as a 4-3 thriller in favor of the German giants. Yet he loved the games against the teams lower in the table just as much.
"I know it might sound crazy," he says, "but it was actually harder playing those teams. The teams closer to the bottom, you know it's going to be a scrappy game and every single ball is going to feel like life or death for both teams. It's a different feeling, but overall, the level is high for sure. I think MLS should get more credit than it does, though. I think the league developed me really well. The level was good in the Bundesliga, though, and the atmosphere is insane. It's wild. So sweet to play in."
Tolkin featured in 11 matches for Kiel down the stretch, notching two assists. Kiel, though, were relegated, prompting questions about Tolkin's own future. He had done well enough to prove he is a Bundesliga-quality player, but what happens now with Kiel headed for the second division?
"Everyone agrees that if it makes sense and it's right for both parties, then we're all open to things," Tolkin says. "If both parties are interested, it's no problem. We'll see what happens. Obviously, I want to play at the highest level I can play at, but we'll see."
This summer, Tolkin is playing at a different level with the USMNT and, much as he did with his club, he has a point to prove.
Getty ImagesThe Gold Cup
Tolkin was originally involved in January camp, which would have been his first chance to play under Mauricio Pochettino. Just a few days into camp, though, he was off. Kiel had come calling.
"I had no time to say bye to anybody," he says. "I took a flight that morning from January camp in Florida, landed in New Jersey, and then had a flight to Germany. I had like three hours to pack all I could into three suitcases. Kiel were fighting relegation and wanted me there as soon as possible, which I understand."
It appeared tha Tolkin had missed his USMNT chance. He wasn't called up for March's CONCACAF Nations League and wasn't on the initial 27-man roster ahead of this summer's Gold Cup. However, when Sergino Dest was ruled out, the call came.
"I had just woken up," he says with a laugh. "I had just gotten back from Greece. I had gone there for a week with my buddies. I'd been home in Jersey for five or six days, playing pickup and running. I found out in Greece that I wasn't going [as part of the original call-up], which was disappointing. But, as an athlete, you always try and stay somewhat fit. Obviously, I wasn't training or building up in the same way but, when I got the call, it was like 'Sweet, let's go'.
"I had never had a holiday in the summer, so I felt out of whack even in Greece. My whole plan before was that I was going to be at the Gold Cup. Obviously, it didn't happen right away, but I'm glad I stayed ready."
After playing 45 minutes against Sweden and going unused in wins over Trinidad and Tobago and Saudi Arabia, Tolkin was in the USMNT XI for Sunday's 2-1, Gold Cup group-clinching win over Haiti. After an up-and-down start, the fullback assisted the game-winner, playing a ball over the top to Patrick Agyemang to help the U.S. make it three wins from three in the group stage.
The assist was all according to plan. Both Tolkin and Agyemang admitted that they weren't on the same page for much of the match. A few minutes before the assist, though, Tolkin and Agyemang pulled each other aside to come up with a plan.
"We had a little water break and we just talked to each other," Agyemang said after the match. "I told him, 'Listen, play that ball into that space when they play a high line, and I'll time my run, get in behind and whatever happens, happens'. We talked about it, he said he'd do it and he ended up doing just that."
Now competing with Max Arfsten for that left-back spot heading into the knockouts, Tolkin has shown Pochettino a bit of what he can do after waiting longer than expected to get his chance.
"I'm happy with John," Pochetino said on Sunday. "Above all, I'm happy because he arrived late to the group when we were faced with dropping Sergino. He made a commitment to arrive and, despite not being at the same physical level as his teammates, made an enormous effort to be at the same level. I believe playing 90 minutes clearly shows that he's a very legitimate player for us, not only in the present but in the future.
"There's a healthy competition between the two players in Max and him, who have very good qualities. They are both different, but they both bring a lot of quality."
Getty Images SportThe good life
Ask around USMNT camp and you get a whole bunch of different descriptions of Tolkin. The one unifying word? "Unique."
"He's a different kind of human, man," says Olympic and now USMNT teammate Jack McGlynn. "There's no one out there like him."
Tolkin, like everyone else, has goals. Right now, everyone in the USMNT has the same goal in mind: impress Pochettino and his staff.
"I respect the hell out of him," Tolkin says of Pochettino. "I think every player appreciates when a coach is like, 'I'm not going to try and make you a different player'. I think, in terms of getting the best out of a player, he says that he's not going to change you. He wants you to play like you would as a kid in the backyard with your friends. That's been really awesome. Obviously, he has his ideas on how we want to play, but everyone feels this sense of freedom.
"Everyone can try things on the ball and express themselves. I've had coaches where you're scared to take a touch wrong, so this is definitely refreshing. I had no idea what it was going to be like because he's legendary, but everyone can be themselves."
That means more of John Tolkin being himself, both as simple and as uniquely complicated as he can be. And so, as he looks towards whatever's next, he offers an introspective thought.
"I don't know, bro," he says. "I'm living the life, you know? I don't like to think about the future. But, well, I'm traveling the country right now playing for the U.S. national team. Life is good, you know? I have nothing I can complain about compared to what other people are going through in the world. I would be foolish to complain about anything. That's it. That's all I've got left to say. I think life is good, man."
And that's that from John Tolkin. It's as simple as that.